So, after we lost Olivia, I didn't even want to think about singing. It's so connected to who I am, to my soul, to my heart, to my center, and all of those were turned upside down when Olivia died.
But, eventually, I had to. It's my job. And it was hard, very hard. I cried a lot.
But now I'm singing the best I have in years. And you know why? Honestly, after we lost Olivia, I stopped caring. I stopped worrying about singing, stopped over-analyzing, stopped being concerned about what other people thought. Because it wasn't worth it anymore, wasn't worth the stress. I guess my priorities are permanently altered.
I also have someone else to sing for, too. And I give that to her every time I open my mouth.
Sara, I only just found this blog of yours, and I have to say that it, and you, are amazing. I so wish we were able to be nearer each other! I just want to tell you that I had this exact same experience after my mom died. Suddenly, performance anxiety was almost a non-issue. My mom was a musician too, and she was the one who said to me, when I was agonizing over music as a career choice, "Honey, sometimes we just have to play. It's what we do, who we are." But a major loss changes everything. I've tried to consider that effect on performance as a gift from her, though absolutely not one I would have chosen.
ReplyDelete-Janey