I'm having one of those hard days; one of those days where I feel like I've been catapulted back eight or nine months in the grieving process.
I'm so down today. I think part of it is that I'm PMSing, and that almost makes it worse, because then I'm not pregnant. Just having one of those days when I feel like a complete failure. Failure as a mom, failure as a wife, failure as a woman....everything.
Will I ever stop feeling guilty? I don't know. My brain knows I didn't do anything wrong, but my heart and soul agree with that very little of the time. I just feel like I failed her. That I failed her, failed my husband, failed our families, failed everyone.
I feel like hell, I look like hell, and I just want to crawl under the blankets and sleep for days.
I know those feelings of guilt. I feel them too, constantly. In my mind, I know that science says I did nothing to harm my child- but in my heart, I feel like it was my fault, and there MUST be something that was overlooked. Or its my fault, simply for being fat. :(
ReplyDeleteThis is such a hard road. I'm so sorry that we have to experience it. <3